User:TheDongster

Occultist Class Description
"Knowledge - the poison of man. Since time began it has been the folly of men, such as the Ancestor. Many have sought it out, but those who discover the truth of this world's secrets have found the revelations too much to bear. The Occultist, however, has utilized that same knowledge to further his understanding of the eldritch. His pursuits in antediluvian apprehension have left his body fragile and weak, but it has made his mind sharp and his capabilities most versatile. From the back, he can channel his baleful energy to strike those hiding in the shadows or pull them forward, removing all filth from his presence. With his curses, he can expel a foe's strength or open them up for devastation. His eldritch powers can rend the souls of even the most foul of beasts leaving them motionless, but at the cost of calling the ever-looming shadows closer. While mostly destructive, the Occultist can also use his profane powers to reconstruct flesh and heal wounds. This technique is powerful, but unpredictable as it may restore a man to perfect health or tear apart their flesh. At camp, he practices rituals and rites that can empower his allies and even bring them back from the brink of death, but many of these eccentric practices can leave both the Occultist and his companions troubled. The gate to hell is open, and this man will seal it away with the very power it gave him."

Comments
Fixed a couple minor misspellings and grammar, reworded some things and added another line. TheDongster (talk) 02:40, 17 March 2016 (UTC)
 * Yeah, my first drafts are always like that. I'm not going to even promise this one is perfect either. Mostly because it's bedtime for this one, so I've left you a full script for the Occultist. Edit it and rewrite it how you see fit and I will look at/check it out/edit it in the morning. G'night! GentleIceZ (talk) 03:56, 17 March 2016 (UTC)
 * This is a nice draft so far. I'm guessing the description format you're going for usually tries to describe a class's combat skills+camping skills while not explicitly saying what they are or using game lingo. I went ahead and added a couple things such as a line regarding his increased damage to Eldritch monsters and his unique ability to remove afflictions at camp. Let me know what ya think. TheDongster (talk) 05:47, 17 March 2016 (UTC)
 * Pretty much. Descriptions should be world building IMHO. So far I like how our description here is turning out, but I do have two problems with it. The first being the flow seems a little off, which isn't a surprise since it's two of use working on it so we gotta work extra hard on that. And the second is it's too lengthy. As of right now the Jester's description has the highest word count at 227, but our Occultist buddy's word count is currently 327. I think as a general rule we should try and stick to below 250 words. Also we don't need to specifically allude to every skill a class has, just allude to some of them and the character's overall theme (such as the Occultist being a toolbox character) GentleIceZ (talk) 14:09, 17 March 2016 (UTC)
 * Got it, reworded and merged a lot of shorter sentences into one sentence in order to cut down on the word count and increase flow. The word count now sits at 246. I also further generalized the last paragraph on the detriments of camping skills, so the reference to Abandon Hope is merged alongside Dark Ritual, Dark Strength, etc. with the umbrella phrase, "leave both the Occultist and his companions troubled". Let me know what ya think/make edits. TheDongster (talk) 17:15, 17 March 2016 (UTC)
 * Ok, give it one last look over, because I think it's ready to go! :D GentleIceZ (talk) 03:38, 18 March 2016 (UTC)

Musketeer Class Description
"Brash, cocky, yet capable, the Musketeer is a championship sportswoman seeking a new thrill. And because of her arrogance she has come to the one place that all said was a place that should never be spoken of, let alone traveled to."

Antiquarian Class Description
"While her body has not been trained for battle, her eyes have been trained for rarities."

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